Helpers

As of November 1, I am helperless and it feels wonderful. Helpers offer a lot with regards to housework but the trade off is the drama that comes with it. Our helper Zeny, came from the Philippines over 6 years ago. She has 4 children there whom she supports through her work, it is not an easy life. Most helpers want to work for "ex-pat" families because they tend to be good and easy going compared to the Chinese who are very hard and demanding of their helpers. Zeny came recommended to us and appeared to be hard working and efficient.


One thing that always bothered me about Zeny was her lack of a relationship with Allison and Kristin. It was not one she worked at or was interested in developing. It is not that she was unkind to them but it did not go any further than that level. She never found out their likes and dislikes, never made them their favorite snack or meal. Knowing this when other happenings occurred, pushed us to realize it was time to let her go. Zeny came to us with a very typical helper story back in Sept - my mother is sick and I need my pay early. I tried to verify the facts by asking her for the name and phone number of the hospital where her mother had her appendix out. My belief being that any village/town where Zeny grew up and her family lives, she would surely know the name of the hospital there - there can't be that many that do surgery. Zeny was unable to provide that information to me and knowing we were questioning it, still did not seek the information to clear herself. She was also full of excuses of why she couldn't call - her cell phone minutes were out ( I offered my phone to make the call) and that she was unable to get a hold of her daughter (her daughter who had her appendix out just 7 months earlier). In the same breath, she asked us for an additional $150 a month to pay for "her food". Helpers are paid monthly with food and housing provided by the employer as part of the package. Zeny never alluded to us that she had dietary restrictions and in fact was eating the food I was buying up until that point. She is a Muslim and said that she needed food that was appropriate for her religion. This was a surprise to us and certainly we were unprepared to fork over an additional $150 when she was making more than her peers and it was not something we were aware of when we hired her. She also wanted us to pay for computer classes which she would take on Sundays , her day off. All of this didn't add up for us and a few days later we told her we no longer would require her services and she had 30 days of employment with us and needed to find another job or be sent home. (that is how it works - get a new work pass or be sent home at the employers expense). It was a difficult month. When you know someone is leaving it makes everything they do more intolerable. She interviewed many places but was very particular about who she would work for and where their home was located. She had wanted to live close to the city so she could continue her social life (which should have happened only on Sundays - her day off) As the days winded down, we told her she had to be less picky and find a job. We even extended her stay until Nov 1 from Oct 22 to allow her more time, which many people told us was a generous and unnecessary thing to do. She took the liberty of going to her presumed cousins on 2-3 Saturday nights (helpers are to work 6 days a week with Sunday off per their contract) which at that point I was glad to not have her in the house. We also found out that she had a Malaysian boyfriend so who knows where she spent those Saturday nights. No one I know has ever let their helper have a Saturday off. She didn't ask, she told us that she was doing these outings. The more experienced they are, they bolder they get. We being inexperienced with having live in help were not strong enough in laying down the "rules" and were taken advantage of for being to nice.

The problem with helpers is that they lie, they say things and then a few days later it is a new story or the details have changed. We really wanted to believe her, trust her but it is not in their nature. Even when you are willing to be generous ,they want more. Zeny finally left on Nov 1. She had told me that day that she would be staying with a friend until her work permit came through, which originally we thought would be completed on Oct 31. A few days later Jim heard from her via SMS that she was outside our apartment, didn't know when her new job was starting and had nothing. Basically she wanted money as she had used her last $100 that I had given her 2 days before. It was never ending as to what she needed and the saga and tears that came with the stories.


Prior to her departure she sent a large box home to the Philippines for her family. As one week has gone by we have discovered some of the items she sent. As trivial as they are, they are still items that weren't hers but ours. Jim went to make coffee and went to the 270 cup container that I bought less than a month ago, to find it almost empty. The salt was missing. She went through enough laundry detergent that I had brought for 6-8 months in 3 months, now I think she hoarded it and sent it home. It is sad really that life is so desperate however what goes unlearned is that had she been honest and forth right, I would gladly bought her those things to send home. My story pales in comparison to two friends who just this past weekend are in the process of dismissing their helpers.


One believes that her helper left, after telling her that her father had passed and she needed to go to the Philippines to say goodbye, to have an abortion. Her plane flights didn't exist, she too packed a big box to be sent home and packed all her belongings. Helpers in Singapore are automatically sent home if they are pregnant. My friend found a receipt for a pregnancy test and her best guess is that she took the matter into her own hands. She awaits her arrival back tomorrow, if she shows, only to have to let her go on the basis of her leaving for an extended period of time, mistrust and possible pregnancy.


My other girlfriend had been marking her money for months and had misplaced two cell phones to the point that she never found them. She planted some money to see if her helper was taking it and indeed she was. She then went into her room with the helper present during the confrontation and looked under her mattress to find a box with the missing cell phone in it. The other cell phone had disappeared and was probably already out of the house and sold. Of course the helper denied knowing how it got there. Other valuables were found missing and they gave her the opportunity to fess up and they wouldn't call the police but rather dismiss her. She wouldn't comply and she is now in jail and under investigation for stealing money, cell phones and valuables worth about $6,000 that have presumably been pawned. Her fate remains to be seen.


What I find interesting about all this is that you have 3 families all looking for helpers who were willing to be generous. All willing to help if the stories were true. It simply not in their nature due to where they have come from. While we can not imagine the poverty and desperateness that these women face, I am not sure that any are better off with how they have handled their situations. In the end it leaves us all a little bitter and untrusting of any helper. The stories here are so common that they surprise no one here as either they have experienced it themselves or known someone who has. Many people I talked to have put their helper on a plane home for one reason or another (usually because they have stolen from them). The rule of thumb, if you can stand it, is that you generally go through 2-3 helpers before you find one that you keep. For me that is an exhausting task, one that I am not willing to partake.